A Dream About Spike

I can't remember the details, but last night I did, indeed, dream about Spike. I think we were in love, and I was in danger from someone else, and he was so sweet and made me feel so safe.

I think this means that I might be ready to end the Buffy hiatus (instituted because of Buffy burnout in the midst of Season Six).

You Know What's *Really* Hard?

Well, first of all, apparently, typing a blog post title is really hard, seeing as how I failed to do so correctly on the last post which should have read, "You Know What's Hard?"

Second, and more to the point of this post, parenting is hard. Specifically, it's really hard to know--in the face of things that challenge the kids--when to push them, when to just encourage them, when to comfort them, and when to just back the hell off.

You What's Hard?

Trying to knit with a kitten in your lap.

Pfffffttt

I have just fluffed away the morning in a way that is very unsatisfying--except for the 30 minutes during which I drank my chai latte and read the new Sunset magazine* while listening to the new Sheryl Crow album. It all felt very summery, despite the cold, heavy fog that seems permanently settled over our little nook of California.

*Reading said magazine made me want to hit the road and go to a national park or, better, yet, buy a cheap mining claim in the mountains and built a pre-fab DIY cabin.

Clever Analysis or Closing Argument?

So I'm 30 pages into the "chapter" draft that I'm working on, and I'll need to do at least five more before I do some basic editing and revising and send it to my supervisor. The good thing is that she is willing to read really rough drafts and give me very helpful feedback without making it sound like I'm an ignorant tool.

But as I was writing, I started realizing that what I was writing seemed less like a detailed, sophisticated analysis and more like a desperate closing argument. What I mean is that I was making an argument about my author that, to me, seems important and right on target (of course). And in the writing I was focusing really hard on just laying out the case with evidence. I think it might come across as if I'm just doing a lot of shouting and pointing. But, hey, it's a place to start, right?

My bigger concern is that my supervisor will say, "Um, exactly how does this relate in any way to the other 'chapter' drafts you've submitted?"

Things I Did While the Family was Camping for the Night: A List

3:00--Did the dishes and put bed sheets in the wash.
3:30--Fluffed around on the Internet for an hour while trying to find motivation.
4:30--Got really great work done for about three or four hours*.
8:30ish--Ate spaghetti while watching an annoying indie romantic comedy.
10:36--Considered going to bed before realizing that I forgot to put the bed sheets in the dryer.
11:00--Decided to watch the first part of Possession while the sheet dried.
12:45--Went to bed, wondering why I wasted my time on the first stupid movie while I could have been watching Possession instead (is it weird that I can't remember whether or not I've seen it before?).
1:00-8:00am--slept great
8:00-8:30--lay in bed, in the quiet house, thinking (because I could).
8:45--Back at the computer with tea.

Now I'm sure there will be some e-mails typed, a bit of Internet fluffing, then back to work.


*And by "great work," I mean productive work, not sophisticated or brilliant (or even very good) work.

Nose to the Grindstone

I just kissed the kids and hubby goodbye so that I can stay home and work on my dissertation while they go camping for the night somewhere up around Big Sur. I am slightly mollified by the fact that we are calling this trip a "recon mission" and in a couple of weeks, we'll all go together on the "real" camping trip*.

I am not mollified, however, by how quickly the summer is flying by. I still have a bazillion chores to do. And remember that 20 pages of academic writing that I wanted to finish by mid-June? I'm only 16 pages in. So it's nose to the grindstone today, tonight, and tomorrow so that I can finish up something and send it off (which is difficult to do since it's not really "finished"). You're probably all snorting at my silly 16 pages, aren't you?

It shouldn't be too hard focus on work today since it's foggy and 57 degrees out, which is pretty much the norm these days. Although I must say that yesterday was beautiful--sunny and high 60s or maybe even 70--which was great because it was our anniversary. My mom had the kids--thanks, Mom!--so we had a leisurely morning over the newspaper, and then we walked to a great little Thai place for lunch, and then we hit the farmer's market on the way home, where hubby bought me a bracelet, a necklace, and some flowers.

Okay, enough recounting of leisure time. It's time to dissertate.

*I feel so much like the un-fun wet blanket of the family, and I worry that the kids will forget all of the things I did with them and only remember the things I didn't. Family reunions will go like this, "Hey, Mom, remember that one time when we were camping and . . . Oh, that's right, you weren't there."

[Edit to add:// If I get enough work finished before dinner, I might watch a movie. Any good recommendations--chick flicks or otherwise--that are available on Netflix instant play?]

[Edit again:// Five pages written, so I'm at page 21! Good progress. Also, I know where to start tomorrow for at least five additional pages, perhaps more. Also, no word from hubby in the kids. I'm sure they can't call me because they don't have phone coverage, but I hate not knowing where they are while also knowing that they can't call someone if they need to. Very unsettling. Do any phone carriers specialize in deep woods cell coverage? Bah. I hope worrying won't keep me from sleeping. Maybe I'll have an extra glass of port after dinner.]