I realize that you are getting older. So is the rest of the package in which you are contained. But, really, I am especially fond of my vision. If my ass sags or my arms jiggle, well, I can deal with that. My husband doesn't really like it, but, me, I can live with it.
But you, I really care about you, and I appreciate all you've done for me in the past. But now you've presented me with this huge floater--which sometimes appears like a black spot (with an attached cobweb) and which sometimes is a big blurry spot in the center of my eye (like now, when I'm looking at the backlit computer screen). Yes, I do plan to take you to the doctor since I want to make sure that your retina hasn't detached or torn. But, in the meantime, if you're just an average aging eyeball, can you please settle down? Let that vitriolic fluid (or whatever it's called) settle down? Let the little bits of debris settle along your floor like confetti after a party?
And while you're at it, could you have a meeting with the right eyeball and agree to stop all of this redness and watering and general mischief that makes it very difficult for me to read tiny anthology print each evening? Please remember that reading is key to my livelihood, happiness, and overall sanity.
Thank you for your consideration.
GEW (your human host)